Roles Involves
As a temp worker, part of my role involves screening calls to protect my boss from unnecessary interruptions. Many callers try to slip through with lines like, "Hey, it’s Mark—can I speak with Tony? He’s expecting my call." The funny thing is, most people mistakenly call him Anthony, and he’s very strict about not being disturbed during meetings. These small mistakes are usually a clear sign that the caller is trying to deceive me.
I’ve learned to handle these situations with ease. When someone tries to pull a fast one, I calmly ask, "Are you happy to hold?" Then, I return every few minutes to let them know my boss is still unavailable, stretching the wait as long as I can. My personal record is making someone hold for half an hour!
My Exhausted Repaired
I went to get my exhaust repaired after damaging it by hitting a pothole. A few hours later, when I returned to pick up my car, I was greeted by a woman angrily shouting at the man behind the counter. She was furious, claiming she had been waiting for almost 30 minutes for her car to be fixed and insulted him by calling him an "INSIGNIFICANT LAZY IMMIGRANT."
The mechanic glanced at me and then tossed me my keys, saying, "Your Magnum’s ready—no charge." Turning to the woman, he calmly replied, "Looks like it's going to cost more than we expected. Would you like us to call you a cab?" I returned shortly with pizza for the shop, grateful for the service and the unexpected kindness.
An Apartment Building
I used to live on the third floor of an apartment building, and the laundry room was in the basement. Each tenant had their own cubby for detergent and other supplies. One day, I noticed that someone had been using my soap without permission. I left a note asking them to stop, but they continued to use it.
Determined to put an end to it, I bought two bottles of soap—one clear and one blue. I clearly marked them as mine and took it a step further by filling the blue bottle with blue Rit dye and the clear one with unscented bleach. The next morning, I heard loud screaming from the laundry room. There, I found a pile of bleach-stained clothes in the trash. Four days later, I saw a young man wearing a blue-stained shirt as he got into a car.
Less Muscular
Standing at 5'4" and appearing less muscular than I actually am, I found myself in line for priority boarding. Just as it began, the woman behind me spoke up.
"Excuse me, this is for priority boarding. You need to wait with the others," she said. Without responding, I simply showed my boarding pass and active duty ID. When the attendant thanked me for my service, I turned to the woman, flashed a grin, and replied, "Thanks!" before boarding.
Old College Roommate
My old college roommate had no interest in cooking or doing dishes, and rarely went grocery shopping. As a result, he often helped himself to my meals, especially my leftovers, which were carefully prepared and meant for me.
His behavior escalated, and it seemed like he was eating my food just to annoy me. To get back at him, I baked a chocolate cake spiced with habanero peppers and topped it with wasabi-infused frosting. I labeled it with my name and a clear 'Do Not Eat' warning. A couple of days later, he and his friends couldn’t resist and dug in. They ate a third of the cake before the heat hit them, and when they rushed to throw up, the cake made a second, unpleasant appearance. After that, he never touched my food again.
Overheard A Group
Recently, I was at a Chinese buffet when I overheard a group at the booth next to me questioning the waitress about voting. She struggled to explain that she was not eligible to vote, and the group began mocking her. After she walked away, one of the women at the table turned to me and asked where I worked, claiming I looked familiar.
I told her I worked at the local university in the social work department, and she quickly mentioned she had recently visited my office to apply for our program. I smiled and said, "Yes, I remember you, and I’m also on the admissions committee." The color drained from her face, and it was clear she realized she had just made a big mistake.
My Manager
Karen, my manager, had a reputation for firing male employees one by one. Eventually, it was my turn. Confronted with her fury, I calmly stated, "I've only got six weeks left before retirement. Show some respect."
Her response was swift and cold: "Fine, you're fired!" Surprised, I asked for a reason, but she snapped back, "I don't owe you anything, old man!" Smiling, I replied, "Check the contract," knowing there was a clause that required a valid reason for dismissal. Unable to find one, she still insisted on firing me. The next day, I returned with my lawyer. "If you want to play this game, Karen, I’m ready. Meet Mr. Dunphy—he’s going to help me sue the company."
Criticized
A coworker often criticized my love for vintage fashion, calling my style "outdated" and making snide remarks whenever she could. Fed up, I decided to take the high road and invited her to lunch, hoping for a chance to show her a different side of things.
At the restaurant, she smirked, thinking she had the upper hand. But when several strangers came up to compliment my outfit and mentioned following my social media for inspiration, her attitude shifted. After seeing my Instagram and the millions of followers I had, her expression changed to one of disbelief. She was left speechless, realizing that maybe I was onto something after all.
Great At Giving Gifts
About 23 years ago, my husband wasn’t great at giving gifts. He’d usually buy things he wanted for himself. One year, though, he was thrilled to give me a large, wrapped box about ten days before Christmas. We were always tight on money, so I typically handled the gift shopping for our kids and his demanding family. But something felt off about this gift, though I couldn’t put my finger on it.
On Christmas Eve, I opened it to find a ShopVac. He explained how useful it would be for cleaning his garage, his "domain." I was livid. Quietly, I plotted my revenge and kept it to myself. The next Christmas, I put a big box under the tree for him. When he opened it, it was a case of toilet paper. I told him that Christmas wasn’t about what we wanted, but what the family needed. He was furious.
Purchased A House
I recently purchased a house that had been vacant for 6 to 8 months. Before moving in, I arranged for some work to be done, and one morning, my contractor called to ask about the cars in the driveway. Since I hadn’t moved in yet, I was confused and had no idea what he meant.
I drove out to the house to check it out, and when I arrived, the neighbors from next door were walking toward the cars. They claimed they'd been using the parking space for years after the previous tenants left. I informed them that I had bought the house, so they'd need to park elsewhere to avoid interfering with the contractors. They refused, saying they would continue parking there until I officially moved in. After overhearing the exchange, one of my contractors jokingly threatened to slash a tire, and after a couple of flat tires, the neighbors found new parking.
There Was A Catch
So, get this. A couple of months ago, we finally scored our dream house. But here's the catch: the sellers tried to pull a sneaky move on us. They insisted we cough up an extra $187 for these ridiculous fees that they should've covered. I mean, seriously? We weren't about to let that ruin our home-buying excitement, though. We started renovating the place, tearing down walls, and getting rid of all the junk left behind. And there it was, this table/credenza thing built into the entryway.
Useless to us, really, so we decided to get it valued before we sold it. You can imagine our surprise when we were told this table was worth at least $10,000! The seller told us they didn’t want anything to do with the house once we’d bought it, so we happily paid the silly extra fees, sold the table, and laughed all the way to the bank.
Ex-Wife
My ex-wife and I were finalizing our divorce. As we sat in the lawyer's office, tensions rose. Me: So, we agree on the division of assets? Her: Yes, and I'm taking everything. Me: You can't do that, it's not fair!
Her: Well, if you want to fight, go ahead. But remember, I have evidence of your secret bank account. I looked at her smugly. Me: Oh, really? Well, I just so happen to have evidence of you cheating on me with three different men, which not only is horrible but is also in breach of our divorce contract. Since you cheated, you get nothing. You should have seen the look on her face once she’d been found out.
Shopping Carts
I work at a grocery store wrangling shopping carts, and you won’t believe how selfish people are when it comes to shopping carts. If I ever saw someone put a cart in front of their car, instead of walking the 15 feet to put it away, I would grab my line of carts and block them in.
I would proceed to take the longest time ever to gather their cart while pretending not to notice them sitting in a running vehicle.
Insensitive Woman
I was waiting in line to vote and stood next to an Asian man. We engaged in a conversation about the excitement surrounding the election. He struck me as a very well-educated person with interesting insights.
When it was his turn at the registration desk, the woman there rudely asked him if he spoke English before he opened his mouth. Then she asked if she would be able to understand him if he did. I spoke up and said that he spoke English a whole lot better than she did and wasn’t anywhere near as rude as she was.
She Was Wrong
Our school’s schedule got revamped, which meant that one of our classes, which was two periods long, was cut in half to accommodate all the changes. When I brought this up to the teacher I was co-teaching with, she called me an i---- and told everyone sitting in our table group that I wasn’t very good at math. Everyone laughed.
A few minutes later, the principal cleared up the new schedule, only for her to realize that she was wrong in the first place. It felt so good to see the look on her face when she realized she was the i---- and not me.
She Was Wrong
In senior kindergarten, I had an activity for Mother’s Day: I had to color some pre-printed cards with three tulips. The teacher told us to color them red, yellow, and orange.
Well, six-year-old me colored one tulip purple because I didn’t like orange. My teacher told me I was wrong and told me to redo it because 'purple tulips don’t exist.' When I got home, I told my mom. She then cut the purple tulip out of our garden, and I took it to class the next day to prove my teacher wrong.
They Stole My Spotify
I noticed my Spotify had a PS4 with a German name connected to it, which is odd because I don’t have a PS4. Spotify was unable to disconnect me from it using my account, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. At midnight Germany time, I blasted heavy metal at full volume on their PS4.
I think they may have been in the game since they let it go for a few seconds, then attempted to go to the next/previous song and pause it a few times, to no avail. Eventually, they uninstalled Spotify, and I changed my password, but darn, that felt good.
A Dangerous Ride
The other day, my wife and I were coming home from bowling, and we got behind a truck in the left lane next to a Maserati with a total Karen in it. This woman then suddenly jerks her vehicle over without signaling. She’s in front of the truck, having missed him by a few inches. The whole time, she’s acting like it’s his fault that she swerved and endangered everybody.
The truck retaliated by cutting her off just like she did to him, and then someone else came from behind her and blocked her in the other lane, so she couldn’t pass the truck again. At that point, we got in on it, too. We then found out the truck guy lived in our apartment complex, and high-fives were given all around.
I Got An Apology
I had a paper returned to me this morning because I didn’t write out all the names of the authors in the manuscript. I took a screenshot of their submission guidelines, which state that author names must be formatted with the first initial followed by the last name, and sent it back.
I got an apology email, and a 'submission received' notification a few minutes later. Academia, I swear to God.
Rainy Season
Several years ago, I lived on the northwest coast of Puerto Rico. The electric infrastructure was a bit old, so during the rainy season, we’d lose power for a few hours at a time. It's not a big deal—I had a gasoline generator. Enter a new neighbor. He lived two doors down from me and drove an amazing custom Chevy van from the 70s. I caught him taking the gas…, which I’d left outside in case the generator ran out. Although I…called him out on it, he denied it and played stupid.
I then went to the nearest gas station that had diesel and filled it up with diesel. A few days later, I was woken up by a tow truck backing up to pick up his now-disabled van. I looked out the window, and you could see the anger on his face.
Asking Questions
"I was at a gas station putting air in my tire. This gas station required you to pay $1.00…As I was filling my tires, a lady pulled up beside me and started asking questions like how much it was to use, how much time, etc. I answered her questions as best I could, but I was really more focused on filling my tires since there was a time limit. The lady is still waiting there and is getting visibly annoyed.
This lady yells out, ‘Will you hurry up? I’m in a rush!’ I was confused for a second but quickly realized that she just wanted to use my time without paying. I do what any gentleman would do and proceed to move slower. She almost hits my car, swooping into where my car was. She jumps out, and as she puts the air pump on her tire, it shuts off.
I Snapped
A woman in her mid-50s cut in front of me and my two-year-old daughter in line at a restaurant. I was in the middle of getting my daughter a cookie and was in a hurry as I was dealing with a two-year-old.
So I snapped at the woman, 'How is it that you’re 70 years old and you still don’t know how a line works?' She was gloriously silent.
The Perfect Moment
I was working late one night at the office when I overheard my coworker, Mark, talking about how he was going to steal my idea for a groundbreaking project. Anger boiled inside me, but I kept my cool and waited for the perfect moment. A few days later, during a company meeting, Mark confidently presented my idea as his own. Everyone praised him for his brilliance, but I knew the truth. As Mark finished his presentation,
I calmly raised my hand and asked when he’d come up with such a fantastic idea. Panicking, he insisted he’d come up with the idea over a year ago. However, the technology that I had planned to use for the project had only been invented in the last few months, and we all knew it. The managers saw straight through his lies, and I was named the lead engineer for the project.
Aging
Let's start with the fact that my brother's wife and I do not get along—never have, never will. It's mutual—both fault and feelings. Also, she is very sensitive about her age. What she failed to realize is that I'm not. Skip to my 30th birthday, and my mom throws a party, including my brother and his family. They have four kids—five, four, and one-year-old twins at the time.
The kids are playing, we're eating cake, everyone is getting along, and the wife calls over the four years to whisper something in his ear. Immediately, the kid comes to me and (in typical 4-year-old fashion) yells, 'Auntie, guess what?!' What, kiddo? 'Mom says you're 30 now, and that's OLD!' My face lit up. I delightedly answered, 'Yes, I am! And do you know who's a whole THREE YEARS older than me?' wide eyes, shaking his head. 'Your MOM!' Everyone except her had a good laugh.'
An Unexpected Sandwich
"This guy from work named Brad kept eating the food I brought and kept it in the office fridge until one day, I had enough. Me: 'What are you eating?' Brad: 'It's just something I found in the fridge; it's none of your business.' Me: 'I hope you liked it, but maybe next time, look closer at what you're eating.' Brad: 'What did you do?!'
He started coughing as the taste began to sink in. This time, I decided to teach him a lesson that would keep him from ever touching my food again. Instead of the tuna fish sandwich, he thought he was eating, I had actually mashed up canned dog food and put it on some slices of bread. When I told him, he rushed to the bathroom as quickly as possible before he threw up all over the break room. Maybe next time, he’ll bring his own food.
There’s A Line
I was waiting in line at the grocery store, minding my own business, when a woman started shoving her way to the front. Me: Excuse me, there's a line. Woman: I'm important, move aside! I calmly stepped aside, giving her a smile. Unexpectedly, her eyes narrowed as she glanced down at my groceries, a suspicious look crossing her face. Woman: Wait, those are sanitary products. Why would you need five boxes of those?
I responded to her calmly, 'I’m a single dad, and my teenage daughter seems to be experiencing her time of the month for the first time. I’m not exactly sure which to buy, so I’m buying a variety. Now, she’s waiting in the store bathroom.' Her eyes widened as my words sunk in, and she began to apologize profusely, especially as the people behind me started to get more annoyed at her rude behavior. Still, I let her finish paying and then went about my day. There was no need to make her feel any worse than she already did.
Calling Campus Officers
A few years ago, I was heading to class to take a final in my music history class, and I forgot a scantron. I stopped by the college bookstore, grabbed a scantron, and ran up to the counter. When I pulled out my card, she pointed to a sign that said $10 minimum…there was a take a penny, leave a penny jar. So I reached over and grabbed a couple of dimes…'Her’ put her hand over the jar and said you can leave change, but you can’t take change.
I proceeded to go to the furthest corners of the store and pick up about $200 worth of small items from the…most inconvenient spots. Welp, as soon as I signed for the items, I told her, ‘I’d like to return everything but the scantron, please.’ She ended up calling campus officers. When the officers arrived, they informed her that what I did was completely OK.
Left Stranded
I work for a rental car company, and if you call me up at the end of the day demanding that I deliver you a car—all while cursing at me—you will be left stranded on the side of the road, and I will not lose even a little sleep about it.
However, if I’m moments from closing and you’re nice and polite, I will go out of my way to help you and stay after we close if I have to.
Undermining
I film and edit promotional videos, then post them on my company’s YouTube channel. The day after I uploaded a particular run-of-the-mill video, my manager called me into his office because one of our directors, who hates our department and loves undermining me in particular, sent an email to my manager and a few higher-ups.
In the email, he stated that I had messed up the promo video because there were 'all of these other disgusting videos attached to it. 'As proof, he included a screenshot of the end of the video, where all of the recommended videos appeared to star scantily-clad Asian women… Neither he nor my manager knew how YouTube algorithms worked. He didn’t realize that the videos were suggested because he, or someone on his account, had viewed that kind of content before.
Awful Words
I work in loan collections, and most of my customers are horrifically rude. Sometimes, during a really bad phone call, a customer will yell at me in a stream of awful words and then just hang up before I get a chance to tell them I’m trying to prevent a repo on their car.
That’s when I call it a day and process them for a repo anyway.